Familiarity Breeds Contempt…
This is a phrase I used to hear often in my teen years and also I started to use it. Nevertheless I would always take things for granted and fall back into old ways and get drawn into old patterns and behaviors. I would have some of my friends say this statement to me often.
Nevertheless I used to conveniently overlook it falling back into the comfort of old habits and patterns. It was way easier to fall into the comfort of patterns and familiarity. So before I start to speak about it. Let’s look at the meaning of this phrase.
What does it mean?
Extensive knowledge of or close association with someone or something leads to a loss of respect for them or it. Another way to look at it is, idiom saying. used to say that if you know someone very well you stop respecting them because you have seen all of their bad qualities.
As I go deeper into speaking about this statement. The aspect of contempt goes deeper and gets nasty with time. The more a person gets to know you, more they start looking at all the drawbacks and the aspects of you which is usually suppressed or hid away.
When things go bad or there is a miscommunication or misunderstanding, the pointers of blame game and showing that this is what’s expected of you would get stronger and more consistent. The pattern of constant nagging and gossiping would increase.
So often, we have a habit of growing very close to someone start sharing our problems and all our issues exposing our weaknesses and problems. Not truly knowing if things go sour would this person actually stand up and be there as a pillar of strength or actually go to the length of dragging into the mud or the space of being the person who would betray you or let you down.
Time can only tell each and everyone of us of what reality holds for us with each relationship. The pain of knowing that you have been mocked or spoken about can be very hurtful and tough to handle. No matter how strong a person gets there is a moment of feeling let down.
So, I am sure you must be thinking..!
Aren’t we supposed to trust anyone or be close or have a good relationship?
Ofcourse!! You are meant to meet and be part of having relationships are essential we are social beings. Human interactions is essential for us and much needed. But what one needs to know is when to draw lines and how to balance relationships out.
It’s not about knowing and not implementing. Sitting in a space thinking this can’t happen to me, is being in a web of denial. Yes familiarity breeds contempt so how should I go about trying to balance and maintain a relationship.
Some basic principles one can follow:
- Set boundaries at the very beginning, if it’s not done. It’s never late go ahead and set boundaries and define your space. It could be done discreetly too.
- Respect is much needed both ways, give respect and make sure you are given respect too.
- Trust is an important pivot point that starts the process and foundation for any kind of relationship.
- Keep conversations and communications open and clear. Clear up misunderstandings and miscommunication without delay. If you are upset you rather speak it out and allow the other person to clarify.
- Giving space in any relationship is essential and needed. You can’t be in each others face all the time. In situations like that what all you would like of person. You may actually start getting annoyed with the same things.
- Avoid getting into the toxicity of talking behind the person’s back or backbiting. It can always come back to bite you when you least expect it.
- When someone shared there problems it’s done with the point of ‘I trust you’. So do not expose their issues to others. It’s not yours to share or discuss. Learn to keep things to yourself and be mindful.
- Have patience in any relationship, especially when you want someone to be there and they may not be able to come.
- Avoid frequent meetings keep it simple and often, and yet not often. So that there is a balance in the relationship.
- Expectations again can lead to misunderstandings, so avoid having that and make it easy and manageable without unwanted frills and fancy.
By working on some principles and understanding the importance of these, it would help you to have an understanding and healthy relationship. Balancing the relationships are equally important and trying to make sure you’re keeping everything going the right direction is very much needed.
There is nothing right or wrong in any relationship it’s all about the dynamics and how how you choose to handle it and perceive it. Relationships dynamics change with time and that’s again something to accept. At one point you maybe really close and gradually drift apart. So is someone wrong here?
No, no one is right or wrong, when you understand the simple law of the universe people come into our life’s for a reason and season and they move on. Each person comes bringing certain lessons and learnings that’s needed for us. Some bring it the tough and hard way while some bring to easy and smooth. Nevertheless lessons are meant to be learnt.
Respect and Trust is very much needed to have a good and balanced relationship with your near and dear ones.
Open communication and understanding always helps in balancing a relationship to the point of keeping it healthy and secure.
Space and Expectations should be kept in mind if you want a non-complicated relationship.
Get in touch with Samskara Healing, if you are looking for a mentor or you need a session of healing and help remove blocks feel free to reach out and book a consultation.
✍️ Written by
Dr. Jayapalashri Anil
In Gratitude to Divine
The Spiritual Princess, Healer & Blogger
Shamanism, Reiki Grandmaster
Samskara Healing
