Suffering Loss
None of us can ever be ready to face loss or lose a loved one. No matter what we speak of or state we are never ready to face reality when it strikes. All promises and hopes along with dreams just slip away leaving us totally lost and for many of us, it is as good as the end of the world.
We talk and prepare ourselves and tell ourselves, many times that eventually life will take its course and we will reach a point where someone we care for and love will leave us to move on as their journey differs or path takes them on another route.
Are we ever ready?
No!
No matter what including us as healers can never be ready to actually face death when it does reach our doorstep. Whether it could be us on the brink of death or a loved one. The fears are the same we are never ready to let go. We just want some more time, the need for more becomes urgent and we are not ready to negotiate.
Negotiations are not accepted by us as we are slipping into denial and we try to hold onto something dear that we know is slipping away no matter what. We need to know and understand especially now during these unprecedented times. Death is not the end but a beginning for your loved one into a new pathway with new opportunities.
Nevertheless, it is very difficult and painful and then come to our well wishes who would say don’t worry everything is alright, for the one who has suffered the loss nothing is okay or alright. When we don’t know what to say or uncomfortable just being silent is better than actually saying something meaningless.
Saying statements like:-
- Don’t cry
- Be strong
- Be courageous
- Don’t worry everything will be alright
- Time will heal you
These statements won’t make anyone comfortable but will only add to the grief that they are already facing.
Instead of projecting our discomfort by saying these statements, it’s better to be quiet and not speak. Silence speaks volumes too, so allow the silence to do the talking while you hold their hand or give them a hug. No one is interested in knowing everything is okay, cause honestly, it is not for them.
Though I have written about this before I was nudged to write again and I am writing this. There is one thing which people mistake is crying, the feeling that crying is for weak people. No, it’s not even strong people cry and it is good to cry and grieve. It’s the natural process of nature, she gives us time to heal and the only way to do it is to cry and grieve. Otherwise, we cannot heal or move on in life.
However, a normal grieving time is anywhere between 6 months to a year some may actually stay for longer, and than they need help to come out of it. As staying for too long in a state of grieving can also be equally unhealthy. I am sure now you all must be thinking about am I saying am I jumbling up my statements?
No, I am not, there is a natural process and we should allow ourselves to experience and go through it naturally without trying to showcase or be strong just to prove a point while we are breaking from within. It’s not worth it to try to cover up or act normal when actually you are not feeling okay or comfortable.
Keeping in mind that many of us have had losses in recent times due to the current situation let us see how to handle oneself and also help others through this phase.
- Be calm, patient, and also a good listener the most important point. The one grieving has no interest in your words of comfort but wishes to vent out their pain and suffering.
- The questions they ask why? Or why me? Is not for you to answer but to be patient and let them pour their heart out which is much needed.
- Allow the grieving person to cry and release the pain and grief it is much needed to allow them to be in the space of releasing the suppressed emotions.
- Seek the help of a Shaman or a Healer to assist if need be especially if a closure hasn’t happened between the deceased and the family. A closure is much needed but wait for the right time to suggest it.
- Take time or space to be in the emotions that are surfacing without trying to push it away without acknowledging them.
- Know that strong people cry too, crying is healthy and much needed so let them be it is good and much required. Boys cry too so don’t give such statements like boys don’t cry. As a living thing, we have emotions and feelings it is okay to express them.
- Avoid tagging the grieving ones on photos of the deceased person on social media and causing them more pain instead of being of help.
- Don’t try to push their talk under the carpet or brush it away by distracting them.
- Avoid bringing in your own fears and experiences or stories and reliving them when someone else is grieving.
- Stop giving false hopes and dreams especially when their world is falling apart.
- Reach out and hold space for them in silence and let them be, avoid being judgmental or a critic it’s not needed.
- Show your support by being there for them when the need is, maybe taking them to a counselor or a healer for guidance or just assisting them with their needs.
- Acknowledge and respect the pain the person is going through and express the same to them so that they know you are a pillar of strength to them.
- Be sensitive and emphatic no one really wants sympathy they just want someone to empathize with them.
- Last but the most important point don’t just deal cause you wish to speak.
Loss is not something to be taken lightly or disrespected. This can happen to all, by showing them compassion and understanding will really help and be taken well. It is okay to seek help or support there is nothing wrong and also know it’s not a mental illness. It’s just that at times we need support and helps to move on from the situation.
Loss, suffering is something we can’t escape or run from we have to bring the inner strength to face it.
Every step we take there are lessons for us the quicker we accept them better for us.
Get in touch with Samskara Healing incase you feel you need to clarify or get guidance for an issue or for a support session.
🌺Palash 🌺
Spiritual Healer @samskarahealing
Priestess|Shaman|Karunaki Master
Reiki GrandMaster|Sacred symbols Master
Light Body Practioner|Meditation Facilitator
Lavender Flame Practitioner
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